Back to School...again

So after taking a year off from school...I have found my way back. again. this will be the third time I have taken a break from school...and hopefully the last.

I have wanted to come back for so long, that I forgot why I left.

But after only one week I have again learned why:

Stress. school causes chronic stress.

During the first week of school my schedule has gotten SO incredibly crammed! I enjoy learning, however trying to fit everything in is pretty much the current bane of my exsistence.

Next week I am supposed to spit out all the possible chords, not in chromatic order, but in order of 4ths. This would seem simple for someone who has been playing instruments since their birth, however, the first time I stepped into a real music class was here at college...

I partially left school because I believed that low self esteem was just part of being a music major...and it really is...the moment I stepped back into classes I was bombarded by people saying how I 'needed to work on those skills', or I wasn't 'at the level I need to be at'...that's fine...I know I am rusty at a few things...but the rushing wave of always being substandard is a constant in this field.

And along with the stress...I have again regained the instibility of confidence and overwhelming weakness. yep. it's definitely back...

I am so grateful to be back. I Love learning...but I can't help wondering if I will ever be 'good enough.'

I think that we face such trials so that we can look them in the eyes with defiance, and say, "you won't take me, I am strong enough." For with the Lord, we are strong enough to deal with these trials. We can choose to be optimistic and gratious, or we can choose pessimism and anger. The latter leads most certainly to failure, and to bitterness; which is a downward spiral that leads to no good (I have been there)...

Ok. so there's my stressed out rant for the day...ha ha. Now I need to get back to studying.