Barrus. ha ha!

I think that everyone is just getting to the point where their stress meter is on full, and their gas meter is on empty...

Well I reached that point yesterday.

I feel a lot of pressure from school, and finances, and worry about other things.

(My best friend's little brother got diagnosed with leukemia.

I have serious stage fright issues that I am trying to work through...it is really interfering with school.

And I don't know what to do for fall semester

I don't want to be in school forever, but a plain music degree isn't marketable.

I don't want to spend the extra money to be here for more semesters.

Plus when I am student teaching I learned that there is no way for me to have a job, so that semester will be entirely on loans...which I don't want more of.

I applied for the fast grad program, but I am so stressed out, I don't know if I want to go to school over the fall. Plus if I am in the fast grad program, I have to take 15 credits minimum and working and taking 15 credits is a sure ticket for failure for me...so I don't know what to do. I think I should sell my car, but I need a car that is reliable, and getting a car loan right now is not as easy as it used to be. Plus I can't sell my car for as much as I am paying on it because one of my friends ran it into a fence and scratched the tail when I was in Utah, and another painted my windows which stained the car in some areas (not bad...still stained)

I am not doing that great in my classes, and I am pretty sure I am going to fail at least one of them. And I tell myself it's okay, I can just re-take it...but I don't want to re-take it...

Also, on the fast grad program, I will have to pay for summer semester next year entirely on my own. The Gov. only helps for 2 semesters in a row in any given year.

And If I am on that program I will miss Daniel coming home.

But if I go home there is not a room, nor a bed for me, and I worry about my stuff being in the way, and I would have to find another job, which = not a good thing right now, in Goldendale...it was never a good thing.

And. I need to do laundry...and I have no quarters.)

So I have to go to 8 Performances a semester...and I went to a free one last night...and was doing homework during the performance, and was still writing when an organists came in. Can I just say...he is good, so I sat and listened to him practice...i.e. pull out all the stops. He played Come thou Fount (which we are singing in concert tonight).

His practicing inspired me to go practice.

...so I did...then after my practice I snuck back into the darkened barrus (stage). I turned on a dim stage light, and went to the front of the stage...and sang. (I don't think I was supposed to be there)

It was a glorious moment.

It was such a stress relief!

And it felt so good because I was on my voice! And I don't know if you have ever had the chance to experience the barrus concert hall, but it is acoustically built to resonate! So when you are on your voice it will bounce off every wall in there. Oh the Joy! It was SO SO needed.

I think I need to do that more often!