This is who I am.

Thursday we celebrated Grandpa's 80th birthday!


It was so much fun! We played a balloon game, and I got to sing, although I wish I had been better prepared to sing something special...Next time I will have something prepared for sure...

More than anything else I was deeply touched by each of the comments, and memories the family had written to grandpa...
While we were sitting there my mind jumped to a story we had read earlier that day in one of my classes:

Brother Lauritz Petersen was called to be the director of the family record extraction program in the Camp Verde Stake in Arizona. The assignment was to work with records from Old Spain. Brother Petersen had the following experience:
The first year was tough. Despite the efforts of dedicated people, the fledgling program seemed
doomed to fail. Lauritz Petersen was depressed and ready to quit. Sincere prayer, fasting, and soul- searching for days that stretched into weeks, then months, had brought no clear answers.
Finally one evening, after a particularly anguished prayer, Brother Petersen settled into bed, telling his wife, “That’s it, I’m quitting. This just can’t be worth what it is costing the members of this stake.”
He finally drifted into an uneasy sleep.
“Lauritz, Lauritz.”
He was awakened hours later by a voice calling his name. He turned to check his still sleeping wife. Puzzled, he glanced toward the foot of the bed, but the bedroom wall had disappeared, and
hundreds of people filled the room. A dark-complexioned man of medium height detached himself from the crowd and came toward him, repeating his name insistently.
“Lauritz, what do you see over here?” the man asked, gesturing to where the dresser should have been.
“Many people, singing, and dancing in a circle.”
“That’s right,” the man affirmed. “They are those whose names your stake has extracted. Because of your work, they have been able to have their temple work done. What do you see on this side?” he continued, gesturing to the left.
“People praying.”
“Can you hear what they are saying?” he prompted.
As he strained to hear the voices, suddenly the sounds became distinguishable. “Father please bless Lauritz Petersen,” they pleaded. “Bless him to carry on with this work and not quit.”
“These are the people whose names are on the records in your possession, but have not yet been
extracted,” the man explained.
“Who are all of these people?” Brother Petersen questioned, pointing to the multitudes straight
ahead, whose eyes stared into his own.
“Their names are on the records that will be sent to you if you carry on with the program,” the
spokesman continued. “Lauritz, this is an important work. Please don’t quit.”
“I won’t,” Brother Petersen promised. Then the room was once more empty and he found himself gazing at the bedroom wall.
“I knew the Lord wanted the extraction program in this stake,” he says. “It didn’t matter who ran it or what problems we had; it would be successful.” Brother Petersen lay awake for the rest of the night, making plans to revamp the program (Rodriguez, 1987, pp. 14–15).

...I am also reminded of the Scripture:

D&C 2:2-3
"and he shall plant in the hearts of the children the promises made to the fathers, and the hearts of the children shall turn to their fathers. If it were not so, the whole earth would be utterly wasted at His coming."


What does this have to do with it? Well...Grandpa has affected, influenced, encouraged, lifted up, inspired, and touched the lives of countless people. He and each of his children, and their children have all inspired me to be a better person. They all have such admirable characteristics. Each of them inspire, and influence countless other people...and so thousands of people are touched by one honest and honorable man. My Grandpa is a true example of how one person can change the world. Our Hearts are truly turned to His as much as His is to ours.

My only hope is that I can one day influence as many for good as he has. I am so grateful for all of my family. Here at school I have often felt the deep longing pangs of sorrow and loneliness, but God has not left me alone here...


Whenever I hug Grandpa Goodbye, he always tells me, " remember who you are, and have fun."
I have, over the years reflected on what this means.
Who am I? How am I supposed to know.
...days like yesterday remind me.

Who am I?

I am the Niece of those who have soft hearts, and loving arms.
The Sister of those who want to make the world a better place.
The Cousin of those who were born to inspire.
The Granddaughter of women who warm not only the heart, but the soul.
I am the Daughter of two of the most Amazing people I know.
And...
I am the Granddaughter of Ralph Ervin Murdock who has indeed made the world a better place.

This is who I am.

Blonde

I cannot believe this. But alas it is true!

My little sister has shown more spunk, and guts than I ever had. 

She traded her bouncy brunette curls for a new hip blonde look!

And she looks SO cute!

This is something I could never pull off, and

 I admire her guts for it!

It's amazing because she looks fantastic with both hair styles.

She is such a beautiful and charismatic young lady! 

She could pull off anything!

Every time I talk with her I am reminded of how much 

she is growing up. 

I told her when her roots start to grow 

she should weave it with black, 

But she doesn't like that idea

...don't worry...I'll keep working on it. Ha. ha. ha...

Maybe...if she can pull it off...then...I might...

nope. still not that brave.

Well, I still can't believe it... But...there is the proof:

Roommates...*sigh*

Okay. So, she probably didn't know...but I have been having an extremely bad week. And I was angry at first, but I don't care now. Water under the bridge.

So I was getting ready for class this morning - and let me tell you it was one heck of a morning. I woke up 15 minutes after my first class started, and when I woke up I realized that I missed one of my mid-terms...I am such a space case...so I was pretty discouraged, and I am not really a morning person to begin with - so I am doing my hair, and my roommate comes in and closes the door to my room, because my roommate was sleeping...I wasn't really thinking about it...and her alarm had started to ring an hour earlier anyway.

Anyway, she goes to do something at the counter, and while she thinks I am not looking she makes this face at me. Like she's disgusted at me. Talk about an uplifting moment.

I know that my roommates don't know me that well, and that is my fault. I am never home, and when I am home, I am often sleeping, eating or in my room. I don't socialize very often. But I am not here to socialize. I am not here to get married(although It'd be nice...). I am here for school.

When I first arrived at school my roommate's cousin basically accused me of stealing her keys, which she had just gotten stuck in the couch...but my theory is, she just doesn't know me. None of them really know me. There just hasn't been time. So I understand the distance there is between us...believe me when I say I would LOVE not to feel so isolated in my house.

I don't have any hard feelings really, but rather just know that you are a catalyst in the lives of other people. My goal is to stop waling around with a disgruntled face, and try to be nicer to other people. That way hopefully when they are stressed, I might be a small glimmer of light in their dark world.

I think that not letting go of that small action this morning, could have been potentially lethal to this already crazy day. I appreciate life's little lessons. Even this one.

And my day didn't turn out so bad after all.

I did it again...

Sometimes I do the Stupidest things. And it really gets to me, because I feel like I should know better, but in the back of my mind there is always that slim hope that it'll be different this time... So I have this habit of shopping, and buying things that are too small.

You know occasionally, I think it's fine to have an inspirational piece, but...really...it seems impractical

...but I found this coat...and IT's AMAZING! Incredibly cute, one of a kind, will never find again...and 2 sizes smaller than I...

So naturally...I bought it...because it was on sale. it was like $25 at Downeast...down from the original price of $200. (they had an amazing sale...I also got a wool scarf for $.50 & a t-shirt for $2.50...amazing...those I can wear...)

So I'd like to think I got a great deal...but I still bought something I can't wear...
Does this mean that I ripped myself off?


...At the beginning of this semester I threw out all the clothes I had kept weight loss motive, all of them(minus the dress my mom wore in her engagement pictures, I still hope that I can fit that for mine). I have been trying as hard as I know how for the past year to loose weight...and I have toned...that's nice...but I hadn't really lost that much weight, in fact I hadn't lost any since early in the process...and I figured I never will, so...
I threw out all the things I had collected.

Whether it is stress from school, or the fact that I don't have a desk job anymore, or what I don't know, but since that time I have lost about 10 pounds - which is a big deal...cause I have been stuck on a plateau for over 8 months...which is very frustrating (I even went vegan for 2 months, and that...almost worked). This encourages me that someday I might just fit this coat...but I have always...always been over the weight I am now, and hope is...slim(pun. ha ha.)