I did it again...

Sometimes I do the Stupidest things. And it really gets to me, because I feel like I should know better, but in the back of my mind there is always that slim hope that it'll be different this time... So I have this habit of shopping, and buying things that are too small.

You know occasionally, I think it's fine to have an inspirational piece, but...really...it seems impractical

...but I found this coat...and IT's AMAZING! Incredibly cute, one of a kind, will never find again...and 2 sizes smaller than I...

So naturally...I bought it...because it was on sale. it was like $25 at Downeast...down from the original price of $200. (they had an amazing sale...I also got a wool scarf for $.50 & a t-shirt for $2.50...amazing...those I can wear...)

So I'd like to think I got a great deal...but I still bought something I can't wear...
Does this mean that I ripped myself off?


...At the beginning of this semester I threw out all the clothes I had kept weight loss motive, all of them(minus the dress my mom wore in her engagement pictures, I still hope that I can fit that for mine). I have been trying as hard as I know how for the past year to loose weight...and I have toned...that's nice...but I hadn't really lost that much weight, in fact I hadn't lost any since early in the process...and I figured I never will, so...
I threw out all the things I had collected.

Whether it is stress from school, or the fact that I don't have a desk job anymore, or what I don't know, but since that time I have lost about 10 pounds - which is a big deal...cause I have been stuck on a plateau for over 8 months...which is very frustrating (I even went vegan for 2 months, and that...almost worked). This encourages me that someday I might just fit this coat...but I have always...always been over the weight I am now, and hope is...slim(pun. ha ha.)

My Job...Cause I was Bored...

So my Job is currently working at the BYU-Idaho Computer Help Desk.
Yeah. It's definitely a cake job.

I basically get paid to do my homework, and once in awhile answer questions.
I love it. Cause Like I said...it's cake...

I definitely feel blessed in this case!

Women's Choir

I just want to say that I love being in women's choir!
It's like a step closer to a professional choir... and it makes me happy.
I love the girls that are in it! I love the Director! I love it all!

Tonight is the 3rd show we are doing for the barbershop festival, and I really love the songs we are doing. They are so much fun! Being back on stage is a great & rewarding experience!

It makes me remember why I love performing so much!
I am SO grateful to have the opportunity to be among such great musicians!

p.s. I'll post a video of it so ya'll can see! It's just great! ha!

p.s.s. nvm. my friend who was going to video it ditched. so. I don't actually have a video...or pictures...or anything...but the wonderful memory.

Back to School...again

So after taking a year off from school...I have found my way back. again. this will be the third time I have taken a break from school...and hopefully the last.

I have wanted to come back for so long, that I forgot why I left.

But after only one week I have again learned why:

Stress. school causes chronic stress.

During the first week of school my schedule has gotten SO incredibly crammed! I enjoy learning, however trying to fit everything in is pretty much the current bane of my exsistence.

Next week I am supposed to spit out all the possible chords, not in chromatic order, but in order of 4ths. This would seem simple for someone who has been playing instruments since their birth, however, the first time I stepped into a real music class was here at college...

I partially left school because I believed that low self esteem was just part of being a music major...and it really is...the moment I stepped back into classes I was bombarded by people saying how I 'needed to work on those skills', or I wasn't 'at the level I need to be at'...that's fine...I know I am rusty at a few things...but the rushing wave of always being substandard is a constant in this field.

And along with the stress...I have again regained the instibility of confidence and overwhelming weakness. yep. it's definitely back...

I am so grateful to be back. I Love learning...but I can't help wondering if I will ever be 'good enough.'

I think that we face such trials so that we can look them in the eyes with defiance, and say, "you won't take me, I am strong enough." For with the Lord, we are strong enough to deal with these trials. We can choose to be optimistic and gratious, or we can choose pessimism and anger. The latter leads most certainly to failure, and to bitterness; which is a downward spiral that leads to no good (I have been there)...

Ok. so there's my stressed out rant for the day...ha ha. Now I need to get back to studying.